That's what the scale said to me this morning when I stepped on it wearing nothing more than my cotton Jockeys. At 5 feet 2 inches tall, that's a number I only wanted or expected to see sometime during the third trimester of pregnancy.
No, I have no joyous news to announce.
How did this happen? And how can I be openly admitting this to the blogosphere when I am supposed to be a Certified Holistic Health Coach? Hardly the model for healthy living, am I? It's not juicing or macrobiotics or a raw food diet or kale chips that jacks a BMI up to 29.1. (In case you haven't been paying attention at your doctor or the gym, that's borderline obese). It's not power yoga or pilates or personal training that whips one into globular shape.
I'll tell you how it happened, because as a CHHC, I know the exact reason It's called emotional eating, my friends. It's what one does to self-medicate away the abuses of a soul-sucking corporate job. It's what one does to console oneself for spending too many hours away from the people who matter, the people one loves. It's what one does instead of exercise to fill that fitful wedge of time between commuting and collapsing onto the Tempur-Pedic. It's what one does to avoid contemplating the squandering of precious hours, days, months, and even decades of one's life.
I know exactly how it happened and I know exactly how to fix it but it's almost too humiliating at this point. How could someone who's supposed to know better let herself get into this state? The shame of knowing better and doing it anyway is enormous. And not only the shame of the excess weight, but also, the shame of having, in desperation, signed up for Weight Watchers again because it worked in the past so it'll work again (blah blah definition of insanity blah).
Mostly, though, it's the shame of having produced this perfect excuse to escape the fear of putting oneself out there, in all one's imperfection, as a coach. Coach: that sacred leader of teams. The role model. The inspiration. The everyday hero(ine). The one who's been there, done that, and knows what you're up against.
Well, hey.
I'm here. I'm doing it. And I know what you're up against.
 |
| Head of the Walkin' the Talk trail |
No comments:
Post a Comment